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The Bunkest/Episodes/Season 1: Some Pun on the Word 'Bran'
"Some Pun on the Word 'Bran'" is the fourth episode of the first season of The Bunkest. Synopsis Jasmine discovers a promotional event from BranCorp that states that if someone manages to eat enough bran, bran will start to taste good. You know what this means! Another ridiculous and unnecessary bran adventure! Transcript (Pan in on Bunkest, then zoom into Jasmine, who is looking around for something to eat.) Jasmine: (Looks in pantry, only to notice it's empty.) Hmmph. (Looks in fridge, but it's also empty.) Hmmmph. (Looks around kitchen, but it's also also empty.) Hmmmmph. (Pulls head out doorway and into living room.) Hey, everybody, we don't have any food left. Pixel: (in a chair playing OK K.O.! Let's Play Heroes on the Xbox One) Yeah, we know. Ivy: (Watching Sonic Underground with Manic, Pinto and Bright Eyes.) Uh-huh. Jasmine: I'm gonna go grocery shopping, you want anything? Pixel: Strawberry milk, shrimp and oysters. Madi: Reese's, Skittles, Spree, Gobstoppers, Jolly Ranchers. Moon Snail: Maybe some Ramen Noodles! Flametail: You have, like, a thousand of it already, Moon. Moon Snail: Don't care. More noodles! Ivy: Chicken and French Fries, Cookies, Ice Cream, and if you can, some Sonic Underground DVDs. Not "Sonic to the Rescue", "Legend of the Chaos Emeralds" and "Legend Has It", I already own them! Jasmine: Alright, sounds good! See y'all in a few! (Jasmine walks out door and down the street of Bunker Desert City, USA, on her way to the grocery story, when suddenly a TV turns on in the story behind her. It shows a kid looking bored over a bowl of cereal. Jasmine looks behind her, and at the TV.) BranCorp Announcer: Hey, kid! (Kid looks up at camera.) Do you like the taste of bran? Kid: (Excited tone, smiling) No, not in the slightest! BranCorp Announcer: Neither do we! But that can change! Kid: (Amazed) *gasp* How? BranCorp Announcer: It's simple, really! (Cut to image of scale holding several boxes of an indeterminate Bran) If you buy at least thirty-seven metric tons of Bran, (37 METRIC TONS flashes on screen) Bran will no longer taste like cardboard! (Cut back to kid) Kid: Wow! (Cut to BranCorp announcer) BranCorp Announcer: That's right! And as a bonus, whoever finishes 37 metric tons first will get a free t-shirt, and a free box of New Bran! So ORDER NOW! (ORDER NOW flashes on screen, and it cuts back to show Jasmine on the street) Jasmine: Bran tasting good? Thirty-seven metric tons?! That's a good deal! BranCorp Announcer: (Reaching out of TV) I know! (gets out card and pen) Just sign here, and I'll get you started right away! Jasmine: I'd be dumb not to! (Jasmine signs card) BranCorp Announcer: Alrighty! (reaches into TV and pulls out thirty-seven metric tons of bran) Here you go! (hands them to Jasmine, who nearly collapses from the weight. She starts walking back home.) (Wipe to the Bunkest, and cut inside, where Jasmine is carrying several boxes of bran. The rest of the cast is just relaxing.) Jasmine: Guess who just had an unexpected change of plans! Moch: Jasmine, what are you carrying? Jasmine: Thirty-seven metric tons of bran. Everyone: (collectively) THIRTY-SEVEN METRIC TONS?! Madi: No candy? Seriously? Jasmine: Yeah, I know! But some dude told be that if we ate thirty-seven metric tons of bran, it wouldn't taste like cardboard any more! And I am here to help the world. So dig in, everybody! (Slices open bran, causing it to flood the room, with only the heads of others peeking out of the bran.) ACF: Er...Okay I guess? (throws a few in their mouth, cringes as they swallow it down) Do we have any milk to make this taste better? Jasmine: Nope! Just plain ol' bran! ACF: Dammit. Jasmine: But don't worry, I am sure that it'll taste much better once we finish! Imagine... (Imagines world of milk and cookies and other tasty treats. She puts her spoon in a bowl of New! Bran, only to cut back to her eating it in real life. She cringes for a moment, then swallows. She starts to speak, albeit a little weakly.) You see? For the better of the world. Moon Snail: Jas, I know that there's a good reason to eat Bran, but I'm not letting a grain of that filth touch my mouth. Jasmine: (Pushing spoon near Moon Snail's face.) Come on. Moon Snail: No. Jasmine: (Continuing) Try it! Moon Snail: Please no. Jasmine: Here comes the airplane! Moon Snail: (Continues to hesitate.) Jasmine: Look out! The airplane's crashing into an orphanage! Stop it with your mouth! Moon Snail: (Does nothing) Jasmine: (Makes airplane noises as she crashes her spoon into the bran pile.) You see? That's what happens when you're selfish. A bunch of orphans die. Pixel: Yeah, don't you care about orphans, Moon Snail? Moon Snail: *Sigh* Flametail: Just take some! *Stuffs the spoon into Moon Snail's mouth violently* Moon Snail: *Chokes, then swallows the bran* That was the worst thing I ever tasted. Flametail: Great! There's more where that came from! *Continues to feed Moon Snail Bran* Moon Snail: *Muffled, tears filling his eyes* Please, stop! Jasmine: Guys, guys, don't fight! We won't finish these thirty-seven metric tons of Bran without peace and harmony! Moon Snail: Did you say thirty-seven metric tons? Jasmine: Well, at this point it might be thirty-six point nine nine, but approximately, yeah. Moon Snail: Thirty-seven metric tons. Jasmine: That's what I said! Moon Snail: Thirty-seven. Jasmine: Now Moon Snail, no need to be a broken record. Now finish your bran. (Jasmine continues to eat the bran, but doesn't enjoy it much. She is still motivated by that free T-shirt, though.) Moon Snail: Nope! I'm done! One spoon was too much for me! But I refuse to chug down that much of it! Goodb- Flametail: (Pushes down on Moon Snail's hands, locking him in place) Nope! Moon Snail: Let me go! Flametail: Now now... *Continues feeding Moon Snail Bran* Moon Snail: This has to be a form of torture! (Madi has finished off some of the bran) Madi: '''Can we please stop? '''Jasmine: Never stop eating, Madi! Tornadospeed: Hey, Jasmine? Jasmine: *with a mouthful of bran* What's up? Tornadospeed: When you say thirty-seven metric tons, how many boxes is that? Jasmine: *swallows bran* Uh... that's not important. Just eat your bran. *continues eating bran* Tornadospeed: Right. I don't remember what bran tastes like, but surely it's not so bad. *Shovels a massive spoonful into his mouth, spit-takes immediately after* Yikes! And we have to eat all of it? Jasmine: Yep! Tornadospeed: *eyes start to tear up* (Cut to: Ivy, her roommates, Heather and Murloc eating the bran.) Ivy: I hate this! Manic: Same. Heather: If we eat all this, we will die! Pinto and Bright Eyes: (Both start to cry.) Please, Jas! Stop! Jasmine: Eat it, girls! Pinto: We refuse! Bright Eyes: We hate this! Jasmine: Do it, now! Pinto and Bright Eyes: (Terrified) Yes, Jas. (Some time has passed, but there is still tons of Bran flooding the Bunkest. Everyone is sick of eating this, but won't admit it) Moon Snail: I feel like I'll puke at any moment... Jasmine: Would you rather do this or watch every Adventure Time episode back to back? Moon Snail: *Scoffs* Jasmine: Because I'll make you do both if you keep that attitude. Moon Snail: *Groans, eats another spoonful of Bran, wincing as he swallows* ACF: Y'all if I eat one more spoonful of this stuff I'm going to die. Madi: I feel like I'm going to explode! This is yucky! (Madi tosses the bran in the rubbish bin, but Jasmine takes it out.) Jasmine: Nice try, but you're finishing this, wether you like it or not! Heather: We are gonna die from all of this! Stop, Jasmine! Ivy: You'r wSO out of character. (The Son of the Fourth Wall breaks.) Ivy: I'll fix that later. Jasmine: But guys, we have about (counts to self) thirty-five point seven tons left! We can't give up now. ACF: But Jaaaaaassss. Jasmine: No buts! Eat your Bran, *now*. (Jasmine is getting scary) ACF: Y-Yeah sure. (Shoves spoonful of Bran in mouth, but evidently really doesn't like it.) You know, I think I'm going to go to... Place now. Moon Snail: Yeah, me too. Moch: Same here. Ivy: Same as well. Right, Heather. Heather: Yep. (everyone walks away, leaving Jasmine alone) Jasmine: Okay, but y'all are missing out! There's more for me! (Pauses for a moment, then looks at Bran, speaking to it.) I don't like you very much. (cuts away to everyone else hiding in Place) ACF: You know, I like hanging around Jas and all, but I think she's a little Moon Snail: Completely insane? ACF: I was going to say "wrong-minded," but that works too. Bob: Well, she's clearly motivated. What are we supposed to do? ACF: I dunno, hold a hunger strike? (Everyone looks at one another, and shrugs.) Moch: I don't see why not. Tornadospeed: That shouldn't be too hard. After eating so much bran *shudders*, I won't be hungry for weeks. Pixel: Bran is honestly the third most terrible-tasting thing on the planet. I highly doubt eating 37 metric tons of the stuff will change its taste. Bob: What are the other two? Pixel: Banana yogurt and chicken pizza. Tornadospeed: Banana yogurt? Heck, it'd be way easier to eat thirty-seven metric tons of banana yogurt than that same amount of bran. Pixel: Ehhh... (Everyone walks outside, arms crossed.) Jasmine: Oh, hello! (Gets out spoonful of Bran) Are you ready for more? Moon Snail: (smacks spoon out of hand) Ivy: No! Jasmine: The orphans! Moon Snail: We're tired of your ridiculous game! We're going on strike! Jasmine: Finally! It's about time we make those capitalist pigs pay! Pixel: I think he means a hunger strike. Jasmine: (Bewildered) Wh-? How could you? ACF: It tastes terrible. Tornadospeed: Really terrible. Madi: Yeah, if we continue eating this, we'll explode! Heather: We will die! Pinto: Your a monster now! Your gonna kill us, and I don't wanna die at a young age (Starts to cry)! (Bright Eyes starts to comfort Pinto.) Jasmine: Now fellas, I understand your frustration, and it makes complete and total sense, but think, there are children out there, starving! And think, someday, when we buy thirty-seven more metric tons of bran for the children, do we really want it to taste like cardboard? (Everyone else seems unconvinced.) Jasmine: We've finished two and a half metric tons by now, and it was (suddenly struggles, unable to say it "wasn't that bad)... It was n- (struggles again) ...The point is, this is a collaborative effort! Pixel: And so is our strike. Manic: Yeah, Jas. This is a NIGHTMARE! (Jasmine looks back at the strikers for a moment, expecting to come up with a clever rebuttal, but she isn't able to.) Jasmine: Well, fine! Go enjoy your "hunger strike," but soon we'll be all out of Bran, and you will still be hungry, then what do you eat? Madi: Candy, candy, candy... Ivy: My favorite foods! Bright Eyes: Me and Pinto don't have to suffer! In fact, none ''of us will! '''Jasmine': Yeah, yeah, I know. Soon you'll see, you'll all see. (continues to eat Bran, looking back a few times, expecting someone to be hungry. No one is.) (Some time later...) Moon Snail: (Stomach growls) Heh. I have a lot of noodles I can cook! (Goes to his Grotto) Now... (Opens cabinet and sees nothing but a piece of paper) WAAAGH! WHERE'S THE FOOD WHERE'S THE FOOD WHERE'S THE FOOD!? (Reads note. It says "Nice try. ~Jasmine") She's stubborn... Well, I could go to Krusty Burger to grab some- (Krusty Burger has a sign that says "Closed until the Bran is eaten.") DAMN IT. Jasmine: You're really bad at this "Hunger strike" thing, now aren't you? Moon Snail: No, I'm just... Jasmine: (shushes Moon Snail) No need to be upset. All you have to do is join me. (Moon Snail runs to Ivy's room) Ivy: Hey Moon Snail, how about we just violently murder Jasmine? Moon Snail: ...Why? Ivy: (Points out door, showing Jasmine trying to convince the rest of the Bunkmates to join her.) Jasmine: I understand, it may be "torturous," but in our torture, we find peace. (Back inside Ivy's room) Moon Snail: ...Alright, I'm in. Jasmine: Only 3 boxes left before we beat the record! Moon Snail: (Creeps behind Jasmine with knife.) Jasmine: (Turns around to see Moon Snail.) Moon Snail! Are you ready for *gasps* is that a knife you're holding? Moon Snail: Well, you see... Jasmine: (Smacks knife out of Moon Snail's hand.) Moon Snail: The orphans! Jasmine: You're being silly, Moon Snail. You know you can only eat bran with a spoon! (Hands Moon Snail spoon.) Don't worry, we're breaking the record soon, anyway. Moon Snail: (whispering to bunkmates) Sorry, guys. (Tries to finish bran with Jasmine.) You know, at the end of the day, I feel there's peace in knowing that we're about to beat the record. Jasmine: I know, right? That nine metric ton world record was tough, but not impossible! But we still have twenty-eight more to get through if we want bran to taste good! Moon Snail: ...God damn it. (Cut to all the strikers, lazing around looking miserable and hungry) Tornadospeed: How long has it been since we ate? Flametail: 5 hours, I think... Tornadospeed: All of this for a T-shirt... Jasmine: (interjecting) And New Bran! Tornadospeed: And New Bran. Pixel: Say, how about we finish the rest of the boxes and then murder Jasmine? Moon Snail: Honestly, killing her seems a bit overboard, despite how horrible this is. Maybe knock her out with a baseball bat? Pinto: How about no violence? Tornadospeed: (stands up, and walks towards Bran) ACF: Tornadospeed, where are you going? Tornadospeed: I'm sorry but... I'm starving. ACF: *gasps* Tornadospeed, no! Jasmine: (gets out box) Are you ready for more? ACF: No!!! Tornadospeed: (already crying) I have to... Moon Snail: He made an honorable sacrifice. I salute him. Madi: Moon Snail, knock out Jasmine! Moon Snail: Okay then. Jasmine: (watching the gang finish the rest of the boxes) Yes! Eat it! (Moon Snail creeps up from behind Jasmine with a baseball bat and knocks her out) Moon Snail: Phew. Maybe she'll forget all of this. Flametail: We still have about 12 tons to go. Moon Snail: It never ends, does it? Tornadospeed: I have an idea! (rushes over to the incinerator and opens it) Let's burn it! Moon Snail: Bran is flammable? Tornadospeed: Maybe. Ivy: Yeah! Flametail: We somehow managed to get rid of the 12 tons left! Jasmine: (Wakes up) You did what?! ACF: Yeah, let's go with that! (Suddenly, TV turns on, showing the BranCorp Announcer) BranCorp Announcer: Do I hear we have a winner? (Everyone looks at each other for a moment.) Jasmine: I mean, I guess. BranCorp Announcer: Congratulations! Take this free T-shirt! (puts T-shirt that reads "I'm Bran-Tastic" on Jasmine) And this box of New Bran! (hands Jasmine box of New Bran) Now smile! (Takes picture of Jasmine, captioned "Number One Bran Fan") ACF: I can't believe we did it! Tornadospeed: Yeah, we absolutely did! Moon Snail: Well, I suppose it's time you claim your prize? Jasmine: (Looking at box of New Bran) Hmmm... oh, okay. (cut to Jasmine's room, as she pours a bowl of New Bran) Jasmine: Time to send my taste buds on a journey! (Everyone behind her watches with anticipation as she sticks the spoonful of bran in her mouth. However, her expression of joy changes to one of disgust relatively quickly.) Jasmine: Hey, what's the big deal? I thought you said it would taste good? BranCorp Announcer: Oh, heavens no. I just said it wouldn't taste like cardboard anymore! I hope you enjoy the new burnt rubber taste! Jasmine: Well I'll! BranCorp Announcer: (Runs into TV and turns it off.) Jasmine: No!!! (Everybody is eating at McDonald's (except for Madi, who is eating candy), in celebration) Pixel: Real food! At last! ACF: Well as real as it'll get at a McDonald's. Flametail: It's better than what we endured. ACF: I know, I know. Moon Snail: (Bites into McChicken) Well, the ends didn't justify the means, but at least we don't have to suffer through this ever again! Jasmine: Yep. Tornadospeed: Yeah, but you know what? I wish I was eating other stuff. Everyone: Alright, we get it! Jasmine: The point is... I'm sorry for all I did. I may have eaten several metric tons of bran, but I can't help but feel empty inside... Tornadospeed: Because you hurt your friends and the New Bran tasted terrible? Jasmine: Something like that. ACF: Hey now, at least you realized your mistake. It's not like we'll ever have to do this again. BranCorp Announcer: (Suddenly appears on TV in background) Tired of the New Bran? Want the Old Bran back? Well, have we got a contest for you? Jasmine: (Looks at friends) Well, I mean cardboard is better than rubber! BranCorp Announcer: Exactly! And check out this cool ha- ACF: *smashes TV with mallet* The point is, never enter a contest like that again. Madi: Or your stomach might explode! Ivy: Well, we all lived. Plus, (Holding Sonic Underground DVDs in her paw) I FINALLY got hold of those DVDs! (everyone laughs as the camera zooms out and the screen fades to black) (Cut to the Bunkest version of "It's gonna be fine") Next Episode Preview (We see Moon Snail in a bland, white background that looks like it was made out of cardboard.) Moon Snail (unenthusiastically): Hey, are you excited for the next episode? Of course you aren't. Next episode is "Boredom Strikes Back", where we all become too bored to run the show. See you then, I guess. *Falls over and sleeps* Category:Random Works! Category:Pages by CompliensCreator00 Category:The Bunkest Category:The Bunkest Episodes Category:The Bunkest Season 1 Category:Final Bran-tasy Category:Some other 7th thing.